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Monday, October 29, 2007

Back from the Dam... with no Ham...

Well yes is the answer.... but no is the reality, Roy and myself headed out to the Dam on easyjet flight 7677667767a, it is always a good idea to arrive at least one hour early it would seem, just in case you need to get a taxi back home to find you passport and back to the airport with minus 7 minutes to spare. But anyway we got there, with several interviews planned for monday morning.. so we chilled and took in the scenes and hit the sack... next day up early and raced all over amsterdam going from one practice to another, squeezing in 4 interviews before sun down. And making the discovery that sadly no firms pay year out students, so after a little frustrated depression at the tram stop, we decided to head to the last one of the day which we were already late for, so eventually we got there and had a decent interview with the two partners of the firm, and again were offered 'internships' with basically no pay, so we returned to see if we could find some funding of some kind, scholarships or grants to help fund the scenario, and also the firm were keen to work something 'livable on' out failing that, so the trip ended on a possitive note and we return to norn ourland with a little hope and several offers................ so only time will tell.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Raw thoughts.....

I think this is what they call the "Stream of conscious-crap"

Returning now from a slaughtering of straight defeats in a game off squash, and mulling over the feelings of the day....

....It is i suppose a known unknown that when we start to grow up and be independent that we wll struggle, i find myself in a new faze, one i have to say i was not expecting quite so soon... Here i am, living in this house alone, my life revolves around me in several ways, on one hand i can choose where i want to be and go and see and look, but on the other hand if i stop and do nothing and not move for 18 days, nothing will happen!

i have to make everything happen in my life, it is i think an odd place but a very real place to find urself... as it cannot be forever that i depend on others for strength and the physical such as food, warmth, money and home, for all these things i now depend on myself.... but at this i find it is a place where i walk alone dispite all the people in my life i still walk alone and i must find my own place in this world, i cannot depend on others to place me. the odd thing is i think is that i have lived in belfast for some time, nearly a year, but is only recently that i have depended on my own income, before i lived on the un-real funds of a student loan and so now i find myself trying to understand the world for the first time in a real sense a sense where there is no one to keep me straight no end point as such, this i do not in any way mean that there is no people in my life who direct me, i have loads of amazing people who speak truth into my life regularly and who encourage, but for the first time i find myself at the start of an endless road that i can see very little of, suddenly there is no structure to hold me, im free.... to go anywhere, do anything... but at the same time i depend entirly on my own discipline , my own money, my own strenght and force i believe i can call on God and he will strengthen me, it is me and the world with God.

Ok so at this point i have just spoken to father, and he has reminded me of the ways in which my life touches others lives... and i suppose if find myself for the first time living on real money and discovering that its alot harder than it looks... for every penny i spend i must earn another and that if i dont earn i dont spend, or eat really. even though i have a job that pays well i find that to actually make ur way there is so many costs, but the thing is, i like it, ITS REAL! it feels good, i known that when save a little i can spend a little, but it also makes me realize as i did when i was away on holiday just how much it takes to make something happen and how much you take it totally for-granted when you live at home although you totally dont think you are when you are at home! Life is really quite a challenge! but not in the crazy hardcore things, jsut the simple mondain ordinary things like eating working living and most of all creating somewhere you want to call home...... i am very thankful of the hope that is that we dont have to live alone forever, that we are intended not to be alone and two can become one and be united and can do it together... aw how glorious is that! Thank God for Naomi and the hope and light that she brings!

I know that this post is slightly bizar but at the same time sometimes i think it is ggod to write and express what its floating about in your mind and heart, to be known and to know. please feel very free to add or subtract or comment on these thoughts.

I supose this is about that, and that yes the previous post about living in tension comes back... a place between Dependence and Interdependence a place they call independence! a spot of tension....

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Process has no end product......

Comment on Molly's blog

"Process has no end product, but is actually a series of fixed points."

That is one of the best comments ive heard all year! it is so true and gives me a great sense of relief that yes, there is no point where i can say 'Yes im there'! there is no there, only a points and chapters to look back on and develop, giving freedom to just do it and not be caught in the panic of 'oh crap im not there yet, will i ever be?' i like it alot and alot of food for thought.
For all processes work in the same way, they DO NOT have closure in many ways, just look at life as humans, when do we get there? we just keep going growing, thinking breathing doing, and when we think about being 'There' we just get depressed because its constantly on the move just out of reach and like a carrot on the end of a stick, when we strive to get there we will not, for as we try and discover there, the there we wanted is replaced, changed and renewed transformed, so we cannot keep going in that direction. The approach described there by your man dominic suggests a journey where there is a constantly changing, moving and dynamic future, where we have space to breathe and are not stifled by the life we thought we wanted.

Ive been thinking alot about the concept of 'Living in tension' this isnt about what springs to mind when that is said, of physically living in a place where there is fighting, i mean it in terms of, where there are two points two things two thoughts, two places, where there is space between and it is just not possible to be at either, for example just take what was just said there about process having no end product, no 'there', just a series of points, that means constantly having to make do with the place on the way, with the chapters but the end and the closure does not and may not happen, Being able to actually LIVE in the place between in the tension of where we are and where we want to be, its so important because its like a journey in a car, if your only interested in point A where you leave from and point B where you want to go and ignore the whole journey in between then you miss out in so much, if all your looking for the whole time is the first signs of point B coming over the horizon you cannot see what is right here and now in front of you.
So if we cant live in that tension its like someone going from one big slap up dinner to the next without eating in between, without the little sandwhichs and bowls of soup which we need to keep going. The space between, the tension between here and 'there' the place where we spend most of our lives, so often the process is being taken out of process, everything in this society screems be 'there' if you want to, but there are no shortcuts, i dont think there's a way of avoiding the process of getting the end product, an if there's anything to learned from 'LEGO' its once youve got it built, its no fun!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

back in black.....

Well its been a while, alot has come to pass... since that last time words were issued. And so i have return to the place of black clothing and drawings to work until the end of the month... here in big design. There has been much goings on... to france... in the fiat, bombing about all over the place ... enjoying local cuisine and delights, we drove down to the south of france camping in tents and eating much. Many lessons, thoughts and discoveries were made as well as decions of days to come and reflections on the year thats been. So in short we had a craker holiday [with great moments both Joy filled and sad] we got down as far down as Weeksis glorious abode in which is situated upon the side of an Alp. which is glorious and quite splendid.

The summer really marked the beginning of new times, things simply always keep moving and you cant go back neither should you... as new times are good and will bring you to new places though they might not always be easy. I enjoy these new times greatly and their unknown properties. There has been many major events including the great marriage of Mr Mojo to Mrs Mojo [alyson] and sudden and aburpt end of university life and comencement of 9 to 10 minutes to bed time, working life which is glorious in its own right. I started work imeditly after finishing uni and then went on holidays for a Month and a good bit, half of which was spent with naomi touring france and half of which was doing other stuff back in norn ourland, making decions or at least trying to make decions! its been a really decent one but a wierd one at the same time... it didnt really seem like a summer more like a porlonged spring.... getting ready for the actual summer which came and passed without being noticed....